The wave of conservatism is becoming bolder and gaining ground, ready to undo some of the major social advances made in recent decades. Sluggish progress in women’s traditionally disadvantaged position in Europe and the US, thanks to the efforts of many generations, is now being jeopardized by new leaders that we could associate with toxic masculinity. It is a tough form of masculinity propounded by male leaders who are trying to return to a past which protects their privilege. It is the justification for outdated behaviour which is based on domination and aggression, which fails to understand that the mood of the time no longer acknowledges brute force as a form of competitive advantage in a world built on ideas and instant communications rather that stag hunts.
In the midst of the changes brought on by the digital revolution and the economy, even changes in perceptions and the value of space and time, reactionary forces are trying to hold back the future. However, they face growing opposition from a new generation of women who understand that their gender and the reality they are faced with makes them feminists without them consciously deciding to be so and without even liking the word itself. The game they play throughout their career and in their personal life is so unfair that one day they find themselves standing up for their natural rights and they end up being labelled a feminist or, shamelessly, a feminazi.
Where are the women?
Simone de Beauvoir famously declared that "one is not born, but rather becomes a woman", and this process is still undertaken by many young women who believe they have the same rights as their male peers and, little by little, they bitterly discover the need to unlearn many things and explain many others to the men around them who view the world from another point of view which is typically seen as normal. They are gaining their space, increasing their strength, steadily obtaining more opportunities, but they continue to come up against the maternity wall. It is an idealized, unrealistic idea of motherhood, with consequences for their careers that women still typically bear the brunt of on their own. This typically means mothers go part-time at work or take on twice as much pressure, with the ensuing opportunity costs and the corresponding consequences for their earnings and personal life.
Threatened masculinity?
More and more men who are willing to challenge these stereotypes have joined the feminist wave, as they strive to look at themselves and to act in a different way. These changes in one’s personal, social and political mentality to include the concept of equality also allow many men to free themselves and not to see this new feminist wave as a current which they must swim against, but rather as a tide of social transformation which they can heartily embrace.
Aside from the men who are willing to adopt a new way of seeing a shared, un-imposed life there are those who consider that their concept of hairy, testosterone-fuelled masculinity is under threat. These men, together with women who are equally sexist, jointly perpetuate a way of raising our children which does not allow all of their abilities to flourish or to keep some of their most basic instincts in check.
Looking back at the last few months, I see many men crying out for help, though they may be unaware of the fact, and many underlying assumptions, including those held by women, which need changing.
A writer friend who published an account of his father's death and the difficulties he faced in coming to terms with it emotionally, speaks of the difficulties involved in freely expressing one’s feelings: "If you can’t say ‘I love you’, how can you say, 'I’m dying’?". I wonder about all the men who have had to bottle up their feelings.
I have breakfast with a female friend. She’s a well-known, independent professional. Over several cups of coffee on a leisurely, sunny Sunday morning, she ends up revealing her secret. How her partner had tried to strangle her, how she’d thought she wouldn’t get out alive, how she fled and how she had to return to confront him. She didn’t report it to the police. How could she? She’d always be seen as the abused woman rather than as a valued, respected professional. She’s well-aware of the hypocrisy of public life. She was anxious about having confided in me, as if not talking about it would make it go away.
I take part in a debate alongside one of the top female judges in Catalonia. She tells me she’s seen as being cold. With a warm smile she tells me that acting “distant” is her way of dealing with administering justice in Spain, a country where judges are white-haired men in robes and not a long-haired girl that barristers do not immediately recognise in court. She recalls her father encouraging her to become a judge, while her mother opposed it as she was afraid she would never find a husband.
A visit to the Emergency Room of a major hospital with my 88-year-old mother. She taught us to get an education and learn to ride a motorbike. I struggle to persuade her that we’ve just spoken to the doctor, that she was the young, capable girl who deserves our respect. Let us continue with all our allies, as there is still a lot of work to be done.
